Just like the feather that tantalisingly caressed Madhubala’s damask cheek in Mughal-e-Azam; brushing it, moving and returning again for one last touch before falling away.
Just like an expertly thrown stone skimming the surface of the water several times before sinking into the depths.
Just like butterflies alighting on a flower for a second and then flitting off to another one at the moment when you think you can get close enough to take a better look.
This is how the thoughts pass through my mind…sometimes several of them at one go; sometimes just one meandering its way through and exiting forever.
The relevant phrase here is ‘pass through’…because that’s just what they do…they pass through; they don’t STAY!! And I can’t even begin to describe how frustrating, maddening, infuriating and a whole lot of other –ings it is to have that happen more and more frequently.
With advancing years there comes a long line of changes that one has to deal with….grey hairs, wrinkles, sagging and/or spreading body parts, failing body parts, creaking and/or stiff body parts; and mind you; these are only the physical changes. Don’t get me even started on the psychological changes-except for one ie a failing memory.
Of late I have begun to become more and more forgetful. I forget what why I go into a room, I forget what I want to do next, I forget where I keep things, I even forget my reminders. Thoughts come and go through my mind like people going in and out of a revolving door. There’s one odd thought gets stuck in the door and just goes round and round, but that’s another story.
If it wasn’t such a nuisance I’d find it fascinating…how can my very own thought just flicker and fade out without giving me time to grasp at it? Just a whisper of an idea and it’s gone; lost in a fog. I try to grab its sleeve as it goes by, in vain. I have to wait and hope that it returns on its own sometime, somewhere and that I can recognise it when it does! Oh, there is the one thought that lingers on expectantly for a few seconds; waiting to be caught. But by the time I realize it’s there, that’s gone too…into that darn fog.
Really, if I had a rupee for every thought that’s come to mind and vanished….I’d forget how much I’d have!
Now, I’m told that there are all sorts of preventive measures that one can take to keep this from happening too soon in life-. learn a new language, work at Sudoku and crossword puzzles, take up a hobby etc etc. The problem is that doing anything with numbers that add, subtract or multiply into anything with more than one digit makes my mind kind of blurred. Cryptic clues for crosswords make no sense whatsoever to me as it is. And as for learning a new language; please, I’m having a hard enough time remembering words and phrases from the four that I already know. I shudder to think of the mess that will follow if I introduce yet another set of vocabulary, grammar, syntax and semantics into that mélange!
So; here I am and here I’ll stay. Come to think of it, it’s not such a bad place to be in. And here’s why…hmm…I had the reason just at the tip of my tongue…er… fingers…no…keyboard…damn… it’s gone. Oh well…If I can train my mind to filter out all the bad thoughts and hang on to the good ones, this can actually be a blessing in disguise! Or is it a ‘mixed blessing?’ The silver lining? The light at the end of the tunnel? Ohh… forget it! (Now that’s easily said and more easily done- alas!)
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