It’s not fair!

Visiting another country can be an enriching experience. Being visited by people from another country can be just as enriching. It compels you to look at things from an entirely different perspective. You are struck by the realisation that whatever is familiar to you is completely unfamiliar to your visitor. From the sights in the street to the smells in your kitchen- it’s all different.

And when they ask questions about things that you take for granted, you begin to review your own thoughts and beliefs. Try explaining the concept of an arranged marriage to a foreigner! It needs to be simplified, broken up into smaller components and then put back together as the commonplace procedure it is.

How do you make rotis? You mix the dough, roll out a ball, slap it on the ‘tawa’, cook both sides and flip it on the flame. Big deal. No..no… What about the consistency of the dough? How much does it have to be kneaded? How do you get to make them completely round (me, I just wing it and hope for the best!). How do you know when to flip it? And so on. That’s a lot of thinking happening right there.

Thanks to an Exchange Program arranged by the school where I work, we recently played host to a group of teenagers from France (mostly girls and this is important, more about that later) and their teachers. Taking them around the city and showing them the sights was an experience in itself. Just like watching them try to eat a ‘masala dosa’ for the first time! it was like- what goes where? and how? in what order?

What was unpleasant about this experience was when we took our ‘fair’ visitors to crowded places. That’s when I saw that the Indian (especially that of  the male) fascination for fair skin is alive and kicking. And it made me feel embarrassed and deeply ashamed for my country. The group was ogled, leered at and stalked by men who were either brazenly obvious or creepily stealthy. We noticed comments and sniggers accompanied by lewd grins. Some tried to get near us and take pictures of them. Others preferred to just lurk around and stare in a manner that made me cringe. We fielded requests from random men who wanted their pictures taken with our guests. We tried to shield them from being gazed at and included in selfies being taken without their knowledge. At one site, we were trailed by a man who seemed so blinded by their fairness that he didn’t even seem to realise what he was doing. Our guide said with resignation that it was something that happened all the time.

This group of women who wanted a picture with our visitors because the little girl with them was insisting, the father who just plonked his child into the lady’s arms to take a picture, the duo on a motorbike who kept driving around where we were standing, it was one stress filled cringe-fest all the way.

There were two men who very politely asked us if they could get a picture with the group. When I refused they stepped back immediately. It was such a relief that I actually thanked them for being polite enough to ask and for not insisting when we said ‘No’

I don’t know whether this detestable, deeply-rooted mindset is psychological, sociological, historical or any other -cal. I don’t even care if it is or isn’t worse in other countries because that doesn’t diminish the fact that it happens here. And when we reveal its existence, we demean ourselves.  There can be no justification for this kind of thinking. IT’S. NOT. FAIR.

On a cheerier note- a group of girls from one of the schools in the old city was clearly fascinated by our visitors (I like to think it was the novelty of seeing foreigners in the ‘peth’ and not just their colouring)  and also wanted to take pictures with them. They all posed happily together and then the girls left amidst a chorus of obedient ‘thank you’s waving good-bye and chattering among themselves. I hope that they will become bright, smart women who will take pride in themselves  for what they are and not for what their skin colour may be. Regardless of what society thinks.