Ok so… much has been written about how Air India can be passenger unfriendly, their flights can be unpunctual and their crew can be unpleasant. I’m now adding another to that list. Flying Air India can also be unhealthy. Let me tell you why. When you set out from Pune early in the morning to catch a flight that leaves from Mumbai in the afternoon, you’re not going to be exactly thrilled to get a message en route that said flight has been delayed by a couple of hours. After which Murphy‘s Law kicks in and the Mumbai-Pune expressway which is notorious for unexpected delays and traffic jams suddenly turns into this magical route where you cruise smoothly along and reach your destination even earlier than expected.
After killing time in the city (we managed to do this in a very pleasant manner, thankfully), you arrive at the airport to check in your luggage and there you see the longest line of passengers is at the Air India counter. Yes, Murphy’s Law doesn’t give you a break here either. I’m now switching to first person because I don’t know why I started with the second person anyway. Right, so there we are, standing in line with the other passengers, most of whom have that expression in which resignation, frustration and irritation are all mixed up. There are several check in counters, but only two of them are manned and the line which was crawling when we joined it has now halted. And nobody knows why. Meanwhile, it’s now getting closer to our boarding time. Thank God we had done the self check in and got the boarding passes, at least. There’s a young mother with a few weeks- old baby, some senior citizens (in every other airline, they get a priority check in) among our fellow sufferers. Just ahead of us there’s this group of foreigners who’re puzzled and annoyed that such things can actually happen. Way to go, Air India.
Our stress levels are now steadily rising with our tempers. Just then an angel from heaven (disguised as a young man travelling for work) advised us to forget about checking in our luggage and just take it into the aircraft as hand luggage. Nobody will check the weight and I’ve taken heavier bags in, he reassured us. I’m 500% sure you won’t have any problem, he added on seeing our dubious faces. That did it, we hopped out of the line with alacrity, breezed through security and headed for our boarding gate; which, but of course; was the very last one of the terminal. By the time we arrived there huffing and puffing what do we find? Guess?! Right. The flight has been delayed some more.
Air India provides its employees with a magical, invisible teflon aura which deflects all the outbursts, pleas and threats from aggravated passengers. So, all queries about when the flight would leave were met with an indifferent shrug and an assurance that it would soon be ready for departure. By then, my stress levels had peaked. This was one hell of a way to spend Day 1 of my holiday. So, I did what I always do when I’m stressed: I bought myself a large packet of fried, spicy red banana chips, ripped it open and single-mindedly munched and crunched my way through its contents, crumbs included. It’s a good thing the guy in the next seat was plugged into his earphones or he would have strangled me to mute my loud crunch-crunch and chomp-chomps. I didn’t stop until I felt slightly queasy which, is an option to being stressed and mad as hell. The only thing that stopped me from going for my next stress-buster; chocolates; was that they didn’t have the brands I liked.
Our much delayed flight was finally announced and I could waddle on board with the rest and plop into my seat. Air India does provide free snacks on their flights but the banana chips were resting uneasily in my stomach, so I had to turn down the food tray proffered by the air-hostess.
So, all you people who binge on unhealthy food when stressed, avoid Air India. Unless you want to get fat even as you fly.
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