Disclaimer: No, this is not one of those posts that list out generic bits of advice on how empty nesters can get on with their lives.
I view with disfavor any attempts from random, unknown people who know nothing about me, dishing out suggestions and telling me what I can and must not do. Also, the internet is busting with posts on the Empty Nest Syndrome, many of them spouting similar tips on how to cope: keep yourself occupied, get a hobby, catch up with friends, volunteer, stay positive, etc etc. Ho…hum… I have no desire to add to that.
I’m here to ramble about some of my experiences of the Empty Nest and some of the lessons that I have learnt in the process.
One problem for those of my generation where the empty nest is concerned; is that it is usually accompanied by the Golden Handshake, or Retirement. So we get to deal with two gaping voids- personally and professionally. Fun times! No, seriously. We may claim to be physically fit and mentally alert, we may have a wealth of experience just waiting to be tapped and we may certainly be an asset to whichever organization we are associated with. But…But…it could well be time for a change. It could be time to live life in a different way, explore other possibilities and dip our toes into another stream. Which brings me to-
Lesson 1: Retirement need not be dreaded.
If health, finances and circumstances permit, embrace retirement and see what it has to offer. If the Empty Nest comes as an add-on, embrace that too!
Lesson 2: Enjoy the extra space.
Murphy’s Law states that ‘The amount of stuff expands to fill the space available.’ or something to that effect. My point is that the empty nest will not be empty if you spread out your belongings into every room. Just think of all the stuff you WON’T have to throw away, regardless of whether it ‘sparks joy’ or not. Of course, once you depart for that great nest in the sky, your children will have one heck of a job clearing up. But that won’t be your problem, will it? You can look at it as payback for all those years spent in picking up and clearing up after them.
Lesson 3: Practise ‘Thehraav’ or ठहराव or رہنا
A beautiful, evocative word which means calm, stillness, pause, lull, respite. Take your pick. A wise person on the internet said “Zaraa Rukiye, Zindagi ko Mehsoos Kijiye.” Slow down, try to experience Life. We spend decades running like hamsters on a wheel, trying to live life the best way we can. But when life offers us a chance to slow down, to discover what lies within ourselves, we fear loneliness, solitude, having ‘Nothing To Do’
Lesson 4: Make friends with technology.
Not only will it help us stay connected with our chicks that have flown the nest, it can also keep our brain ticking as we try to master its many kinks and quirks. So- buy that Kindle, invest in the iPad, get a new camera or just spend time on the laptop doing something other than browsing. Just don’t become a slave to it. And limit the time spent on social media!! (It’s a lesson that I’m still in the process of learning)
Lesson 5: Make friends with yourself.
Once you start enjoying your own company, very little can match up to it. You can spend hours with yourself and not get bored or irritable. Of course, there is the chance that you could turn into a recluse or the human version of a Chelydra serpentina whenever you emerge from your seclusion. It’s amusing but also disconcerting when your own children eye you as warily as a grenade that could go off any moment, when they’re out with you in public. So, I try to control my Chelydra serpentina-ish impulses when they drop in on my nest and take me out. (Another lesson that I’m still in the process of learning!)
Lesson 6: Dump the Guilt.
It’s your nest and you can do in it as you damn well please. Pamper yourself. Cook or don’t cook. Dust if you must or let it pile up. Ignore the mess and binge watch instead. Pull out the fancy stuff and use it for yourself. Stop hoarding for those ‘special occasions’. Be a sloth. Be a night owl. Have your meals standing over the sink or leave crumbs on the couch to feed the ants. Remember what the Beatles sang? ‘Let it be…let it be…’
And when the chicks come a visiting- turn a deaf ear to their complaints as well. ‘You still haven’t fixed this fan?’ ‘Why are there so many newspapers piled up here?’ ‘Mom! There’s no food in the fridge!!’ I’ve told you so many times to get that switch repaired’ It’s your turn to shrug and say “Yeah, yeah…whatever!”
Enjoy every moment of their company when they drop by, soak it up, cherish it, hold the memories close. And when they fly off, settle back into your comfortable nest and get on with your life.
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